For much of 2012, the news of the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce was almost inescapable in the news media. The stories in the media all seemed to follow a similar arc -Katie Holes was brainwashed and had become a sort of zombie for Scientology. She had broken free to raise her child away from the Church. The story almost seemed like it could be from an episode of Mission Impossible –a secretive exit from her home with her child in tow to a downtown Manhattan apartment, switching cell phones and keeping Mr. Cruise in the dark. But somewhat lost in the motion picture-like drama is what may have caused the split, and how you might learn from Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes mistakes.
Ms. Holmes was raised a Catholic, but converted to Scientology after getting engaged to Mr. Cruise in 2005. Once the couple married and started planning to raise their daughter the problems arose.
For about 18 months prior to their split, the couple had frequent disagreements over how to raise their six-year-old daughter. Ms. Holmes seemed to bristle at the demands of raising a child according to Scientology’s rules. When Holmes exited the marriage, the couple’s settlement agreement gave her the lead role in choosing how their daughter would be educated. Holmes report ably has become a Catholic again.
This story is not unlike many other mixed faith marriages. Even in relationships where one partner converts, the relationship can seem to be on sound footing until children enter the picture. A crisis can erupt with the birth of the first child. Most often that happens when the couple has not come to decisions related to child rearing, religious faith and education.
Because of the trauma that may result in a mixed faith relationship, couples might want to talk about these issues once the relationship becomes serious. An agreement should be reached before the engagement of a mixed faith couple, which should include issues as to how the holidays are to be celebrated, what religious milestones or ceremonies will become a part of their lives and which house of worship the couple and their children will attend.
By thinking about the issues and pitfalls of a mixed faith relationship, problems that creep up for other couples may be avoided.